After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
