took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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