you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
