Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
