no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
