Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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