Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
