I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
