I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
