his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I want a musical about memes.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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