Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
