Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
