Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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