I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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