And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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