some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
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