So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
