Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I have already put on my inside pants.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
