I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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