apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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