I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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