my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
