This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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