OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I need a burrito and a hug.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
