Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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