In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
