When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
