apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
how does that bad decision feel?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
