Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
