Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
