The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
