let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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