why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
