Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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