Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
