yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
