8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
