Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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