we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
