this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
