I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
