i was rollin on her like bob the builder
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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