BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
