Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
It's never too late to be topless.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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