remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
