I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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