She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
