im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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