I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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