She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
