Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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