never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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