I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
