Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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